Live table funny comments/banter

Albert AAlbert A Red Chipper Posts: 96 ✭✭
Part of the reason I love to play live poker is the people. I love to watch and listen to people. Most of the time I'm watching/listening to try and gain info but often times people say and do some funny things. I'm going to tell a couple and maybe you folks can add to it.
One time this guy says,"I swear every time I win, my wife can smell the money on me. She just knows I won money." Guy next to him says,"It's not the money she smells, it's the strippers you go to after winning."
Another time it was a Sunday and the discussion got around to the old "blue laws" and Sundays and church. One guy said something about praying in church and another guy says,"Trust me, there's more people praying in this room right now than in church."
Maybe not the greatest banter but I'm sure you guys can come up with some good ones.


  • morel huntermorel hunter Red Chipper Posts: 187 ✭✭
    edited November 2017
  • bigburge10bigburge10 Red Chipper Posts: 1,311 ✭✭✭✭
  • David ADavid A Red Chipper Posts: 6 ✭✭
    Villain: I got 2 hands left in me.

    Hero: That's what she said.
  • keith ckeith c Red Chipper Posts: 142 ✭✭
    Dealer: three way action...
    Player: usually you have to pay double for that action.
  • Albert AAlbert A Red Chipper Posts: 96 ✭✭
    Nice! Keep 'em coming.
  • TravisTravis Red Chipper Posts: 455 ✭✭✭
    Very very old guy comes back to table after going to rest room. Table full of old guys playing omaha8. Dealer asks if he will post or wait. Guys says wait..
    I instantly say,"at your age that's being pretty optimistic"

    Whole table lost it laughing
  • SliverOverlordSliverOverlord Red Chipper Posts: 323 ✭✭✭
    This one was pretty racist but gave a bunch of us a laugh, including the target and a few other Asian guys at the table.

    One of the TAG regs Moves all in on the flop for about 150-200$ with Top pair on a pretty drawn board. An Asian guy ends up calling with a gut shot+backdoor FD, and runner runners the flush.

    The tilted TAG looks right at me and says very loudly “have you ever met an Asian who could fold a frush draw?”
  • Patrick WPatrick W Red Chipper Posts: 5 ✭✭
    I once asked someone what they had after I folded in a big pot, but I added "I'm dying to know" at the end of my plea. A guy who barely spoke for 5 hours said "let him die".
    Made me laugh.
  • bigburge10bigburge10 Red Chipper Posts: 1,311 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November 2017
    A guy sits down next to me with $200. The max buy in is $800, and he is not a pro short stacker; in fact, he definitely isn't even a decent player. He losses a few hands, and says "I destroy the biggest games in Vegas yet I can't beat a 2/5 game.". A little while later, the room is calling an interest list for a 5/10/20 game. The dealer asks this guy "Would you like to play 10/20? They are looking for players.". This dipshit responds "I only play 2/5 and 50/100. Sometimes I'll play 25/50 though.". And he was very serious. He even wore a hoodie, headphones, and sunglasses AND carried a satchel. Tell me this guy isn't a player.
  • Albert AAlbert A Red Chipper Posts: 96 ✭✭
    Villain is an angry older man who is not having fun at this game. He is not very good at it either. Will not raise anything preflop and just tries to limp and get lucky flops. He is very predictable on the flop and will fold to any bet. He throws cards and berates/blames the dealers. Always complains about bad luck.
    Hero gets into a limped pot with villain and fires a bet. Villain folds disgustedly and says, "you always get so lucky."
    Hero says with a smirk , "yeah, I'm lucky that you suck at this game."
    Kind of harsh but the villain really is a jerk.

  • Albert AAlbert A Red Chipper Posts: 96 ✭✭
    I read this one somewhere.
    A woman with large breasts sits at the table with a full tray of chips.
    Drunk guy says," nice rack."
  • Yanming ZYanming Z Red Chipper Posts: 294 ✭✭✭
    I was in a hand with a old lady, checked all the way down. I declare "small pair" and flipped up my bottom pair. Then the lady said "I have a bigger pair" and tabled her middle pair. Then she added as the dealer was pushing the pot to her "I rarely get to say that to a young guy." Gave the table a good laugh.
  • westwdwestwd Red Chipper Posts: 38 ✭✭
    OMC has a VPIP of like 2% and hasn't said a word the whole night. He has played one big hand and stacked V. About a half hour after the hand V makes a comment along the lines of "(OMC) doesn't play any hands. Why is he even here". OMC looks at him dead serious and says "I only needed to play one to get all your money".
  • westwdwestwd Red Chipper Posts: 38 ✭✭
    Also, this guy at my room has an app that plays train noises that he plays whenever someone he is friendly with "takes the train to valuetown".

    First time he did I about fell off my chair laughing.
  • keith ckeith c Red Chipper Posts: 142 ✭✭
    edited November 2017
    Heard this last night playing 1/3.

    Older woman at the table getting stacked a few times, 2x by me. She complains a lot, then one guy says something about her ability. She says:

    "I can play this game, I'm just not getting any good cards."

    (after folding Ac10s on an Ah6h9h board when I raised to 1/2 her stack[45$].- I tabled Kd10d. After she show her hand on the laydown)
  • dnoyeBdnoyeB DetroitRed Chipper Posts: 284 ✭✭
    At a casino in Birmingham UK. I already find the proper accent of people over there funny when spoken in a slang fashion.

    Older guy orders a whisky with ice and lemon. Then tells her to hold the ice and lemon. I'm sure they all heard that 100 times but to me I couldn't stop laughing.
  • dnoyeBdnoyeB DetroitRed Chipper Posts: 284 ✭✭
    Floor hollers "2 5 interest" The older lady in the next seat gives me a strange look. A minute later hollers "5 10 interest". Again that look. She leans and and asks "what are they saying?". I explain it's the interest check for the $2 $5 game. I ask, what'd she thought he said. She says "2 or 5 or 10 inches." After I die laughing I tell the table and they get a laugh too.
  • BackDoorAce2345BackDoorAce2345 Washington StateRed Chipper Posts: 3 ✭✭
    Some years back I lived 5 minutes away from the Hawian Gardens Casino in Southern CA. Needless to say I was a reg. So my wife asks me one sunday late afternoon to go pick up some milk for the kids breakfast for the week and since it wasn't football season out the door I went without even a grumble. We'll just so happens that the Super Wal-Mart is a block away from The Gardens and I get a call in the parking lot from a friend saying that two deep pocketed fun players are in the $12-$24 HK Stud 8/Omaha 8 drinking and stacking chips. So you know where this is going right? Yup to good to pass up the milk can wait Wally World is 24 hours and anyways the game doesn't go all night/morning on Sundays. So about two and a half hours later I'm dragging in a low half of a pot that is about as big as a tight games scoop pot when I see my Dad who lives in our backhouse talking the floorman with two racks of greens in his hand to get his name on the board for the same game I'm in. So he walks up to me and says Got Milk. We both start laughing and he tells me that my wife asked him to go pick up some milk since obviously I am at the cardroom since my phone is on but I'm not answering. So I said what are you doing here then and he says he new it had to be a helluva game if I was willing to piss my wife off on the begging of the week and that the Wal-Marts open 24 hours but good games are not. :AS:

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